Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Quotes for the Week #99

"What in the name of pre-paid venereal disease do you think you're doing?" - Malory Archer

"Yes!  I love banter... but I hate witty banter." - Kevin Malone

"It's weird to see an animal that is known to eat it's own vomit, be stripped of it's dignity." - Joel McHale

"I'll give you the same advice my father gave me the night I lost my virginity: just pick one, they all cost the same." - Pierce Hawthorne

Monday, April 18, 2011

Quotes for the Week #98

"Well... you're not pregnant in your mouth." - Joel McHale

"That's where we're at with the Tea Party?  You can't even support good deals now?  Well, it's a good deal, but some poor people remain hardly unfucked, so my constituents won't have it." - Jon Stewart

Monday, April 11, 2011

Quotes for the Week #97

"I love Dick Morris.  It's like if cholesterol and bile had a baby... and let Harvey Fierstein do the voice-over." - Jon Stewart

"Yes, Obama duped young people by not doing everything single thing they want.  So now, they'll all vote republican.  It's like, when I want some bread, I will not settle for half a loaf, I will instead have a muffin made of broken glass." - Stephen Colbert

"Oh honey, don't take this the wrong way, but I have almost no faith in you." - Claire Dunphy

"What?  This is like O. Henry and Alanis Morrisette had a baby and named it 'this exact situation'." - Sterling Archer

"And I love that I have an erection... that didn't involve homeless people." - Dr. Krieger

"Maybe you just want to fly the plane yourself.  Well, good luck pressing 'takeoff' then 'autopilot' then 'land'." - Carol

Monday, April 4, 2011

Quotes for the Week #96

"I thought we understood that you were never to think that I understand anything." - Liz Lemon

"I vanquished you in one day.  I was trapped in a world of wet-wipes and rectal thermometers... then the babies came and life changed." - Devon Banks

"Roman?  Roman doesn't know anything about anything.  The other day he asked me what the letter q was." - Ben Donovan

"So, my Japanese girlfriend broke up with me, but that's ok, there are plenty more of them in the sea." - Mike M.