Quotes for the Week #67

"Oh, right, because you walked into Stripper's Discount Warehouse and said 'help me showcase my intellect'." - Sterling Archer

"To be a spy, you need physical fitness, a facility with languages, a tolerance for exotic foods and the bugs that come with them. But ultimately, there's no greater qualification than the ability to look someone who ruined your life in the eye and say 'let's work together'." - Michael Westin

"A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a fridge starts in a box and then moves to a house." - Demetri Martin

Quotes for the Week #66

"Whenever I'm sick, it goes away within a few hours. Except once when I was in the hospital from age three to six." - Erin Hannon

"Do you realize if I married a non-Jew, I couldn't go to Rabbinical School? I can go if I'm gay and my lover is Jewish. I can go if I'm single, but I'm not eligible if I marry a beautiful shiksa with blond silky pubes waxed into the shape of a Shamrock." - Andy Botwin

Quotes for the Week #65

"If you read my blog, you know I'm a Pilates freak... and by Pilates, I mean waffles." - Zach Galifianakis

"Folks, you know I love animals. They're an important part of my favorite sandwiches." - Stephen Colbert

"Every man has a weakness. His, he'll eat a yard of his own shit, before he'll look bad in public." - Jake Green

Quote for the Week #64

"Having sex with another man is less gay than Irish line dancing." - Dr. Kasra "Kas" Ramyar