Quotes for the Week #41

"The best sign that Wall Street is back, is the triumphant return of Credit Default Swaps. Now, for those of you who have either forgotten or have had to sell your memories for food, a Credit Default Swap is when a bank bundles all it's loans into a single tradable security. The good loans are supposed to outweigh the bad loans. It's kind of like a 2000-layer lasagna, where only a few of the layers are human feces. But overall malto delicioso." - Stephen Colbert

"I know what happened to my pizza chili chesse fries. That dumpy catcher from the Haircut Hut got them. Now there's a purple haired lesbian running around with dyspepsia that should be mine." - Shawn Spencer

"Jules, it's not important that it was me that saved Lassie's life, or that I was right, or that he should have listened to me from the start because I was right. The important thing is that you are unharmed and that it was because of me and I was right." - Shawn Spencer

"No thanks, Jules. I'm not into the whole motivational Tony Robbins thing. I prefer his brother Baskin." - Shawn Spencer