Quotes for the Week #50

"You know, Leslie, the Super Bowl is in a couple months. I usually watch it with my brothers. Maybe you could come by at halftime and shoot me in the head." - Ron Swanson

"So, you're saying glazed donut is better than yeast infection?" - Matt "Nemesis" Kinney

"My minifridge? What about my fresh fruit.. flavored toaster cheesecakes?" - Liz Lemon

"There's a fish in nature that swims around with it's babies in it's mouth. That fish would look at Mitchell's relationship with his mother and say 'that's messed up'." - Cameron Tucker

Quotes for the Week #49

"C'mon D.B. I guess the road to stardom is paved with hard knocks and orange assholes." - Deandra "Sweet Dee" Reynolds

"Listen, jerkwad... I'm sorry, that got heated. Greendale needs a win. The best compliment our sports program gets is that our basketball team is really gay. So, what's it going to take? You know, a plum parking space, free meals, a night of companionship? If, if you know what I mean." - Dean Pelton

Quotes for the Week #48

"As I watched Pam's big, strong hand coming toward my face, I saw my entire life flash before my eyes. And guess what? I have four kids and I have a hovercar and a hoverhouse and my wife is a runner and it shows and Pam and Jim are my best friends and our kids play together and I'm happy and I am rich and I never die. And it doesn't sound like much, but it's enough for me." - Michael Scott

"Fish sticks are not an aphrodisiac, you're thinking of deer penis." - Dwight Schrute

"I'm not real good with analogies, but Chad's a lot like an asshole." - Phil

"I'd get up to hug you, but sittin' down is the only thing keepin' the poop in." - Evil Monkey

"And so you see, children, Genghis Khan was a Mongol, not to be confused with a Mongoloid, like the actor Nicholas Cage." - Mr. Garrison

Quotes for the Week #47

"Is it true, Mr. Donaghey, that your executives routinely used company helicopters to dry their home tennis courts?" - Devon Banks

"Yes and no. Yes, that did happen and no, it didn't not happen." - Jack Donaghey

"So, you talked to Tammy. What's it like to stare into the eye of Satan's butthole?" - Ron Swanson

"Bro, rape? I wasn't talking about raping your wife. I was talking about making love to her sweetly while she sleeps, and I was going to do it for you, you son of a bi... alright fine I won't do it." - Dennis Reynolds