"Lemon, this is a financial necessity. Every division of the company is reaching out to the middle of the country. Our new mammogram machine is called the Git R Done 2000." - Jack Donaghey
"As far as I'm concerned, there's only one black hole worth studying... it's called Sagittarius A, it's located in the center of our galaxy and it has the density of forty suns... just like my wiener." - Pierce Hawthorne
"Oh, that is our human color wheel. It goes from Seal to Seal's teeth." - Dean Pelton
"No one would want to be us right now, and since we are us, it's very difficult." - Phil
"Oh, oh, oh. What about a monkey? Monkeys are like nature's humans." - Charlie Kelly
"I think that history will judge that George W. Bush was a great motivator. After all, he motivated millions to vote for Obama." - Stephen Colbert
"Yes, the insurance companies invented the term 'pre-existing condition' in order to deny us coverage, but they'd like to find some way to stop that. It's like they're punching us in the face and saying 'I wish you didn't have such a punchable face'." - Stephen Colbert
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