Quotes for the Week #63

"OK, here's what I'm going to do. Tomorrow morning, you'll be served breakfast in bed, like a queen... or a quadriplegic." - Stan Smith

What's Jaegermeister? - "Um, well, you know how in a fairy tale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and the guys start kissing her. Well, this is like that except you don't wake up in a castle, you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation." - Phil Dunphy

Quotes for the Week #62

"What? I can be violent. I scratch." - Bridget "Killa" Biersmith

"When you guys first came in, we were as wholesome and healthy as the family in The Brady Bunch and now we're as dysfunctional and incestuous as the cast of The Brady Bunch." - Abed

"I'm impressed, Raj. Those are cogent and reasonable conditions. I reject them all." - Dr. Sheldon Cooper

"That kid's gonna be a star. He's a young 'the Asian guy' from Lost." - Abed

"I am taking myself out of the equation entirely. I scheduled a root canal for February 14th, Jack. I will spend half the day in twilight sleep, then I will go home and watch the Lifetime Original Movie, My Step Son is My Cyber Husband." - Liz Lemon

Quotes for the Week #61

"It's like a retarded version of Asperger's." - Dr. Kasra "Kas" Ramyar

"This is actually a cause I can relate to. A female mentor would have been very valuable for a young Veronica, who was bursting with potential, yet vulnerable, like a fawn in the woods... but tough, like a fawn in the woods with a machine gun." - Veronica Palmer

Quotes for the Week #60

"It's hard to keep bridges burned, especially when they keep sending their contractors over onto my shit." - Bobbie "Killa B" Burgee

"I just use my tail to plug my other butt hole." - Bobbie "Killa B" Burgee

"Ah, I love teenage girls. It's all ahead of them, you know. They haven't turned into bitches yet." - Brian Griffin