"As I watched Pam's big, strong hand coming toward my face, I saw my entire life flash before my eyes. And guess what? I have four kids and I have a hovercar and a hoverhouse and my wife is a runner and it shows and Pam and Jim are my best friends and our kids play together and I'm happy and I am rich and I never die. And it doesn't sound like much, but it's enough for me." - Michael Scott
"Fish sticks are not an aphrodisiac, you're thinking of deer penis." - Dwight Schrute
"I'm not real good with analogies, but Chad's a lot like an asshole." - Phil
"I'd get up to hug you, but sittin' down is the only thing keepin' the poop in." - Evil Monkey
"And so you see, children, Genghis Khan was a Mongol, not to be confused with a Mongoloid, like the actor Nicholas Cage." - Mr. Garrison
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