Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Fine, I'll Just Do This Too

Yes, yes. It's been a long time since I've written anything here. I've been busy with work... and therefore unable to spare much time during the day. My evenings have been consumed with either spending time with the fabulously gorgeous, Megan, or playing the new Major League Baseball 2K8 on the Xbox360. Neither of those options place me in front of my laptop for conversing with the world. Today, I am slightly less busy... so I'm back, baby! Well sort of... instead of finishing the pieces of several different posts that have been initiated, but not completed, I am going to follow in the footsteps of many others (Kim, Megan) and participate in the movie quote meme that is sweeping the globe.

So, without further ado, here are 15 quotes, from some of my favorite films. Feel free to guess away and I will post the results correct answers roll in. SPECIAL NOTE: Please excuse the foul language. Remember, since I'm quoting these movies, it's not me using it. That makes it OK, right? Like I don't swear. Ha!

Fuck, nigga, what did you do to his towel?
I was dryin' my hands.
You're supposed to wash 'em first.
You watched me wash 'em.
I watched you get 'em wet.
I was washing 'em. But this shit's hard to get off. Maybe if I had Lava or something, I coulda done a better job.
I used the same fuckin' soap you did and when I got finished, the towel didn't look like no god-damn Maxi-Pad.

Pulp Fiction - Megan

Fuckin' Dante... God damn poetry-writing faggot, piece of shit, motherfucker!

Se7en - Megan

If I don't come back, tell mother I love her.
Your mother's dead, Llewelyn.
Well then I'll tell her myself.

No Country For Old Men - Kim

"V" is good. Some good words in "V."
Like what?
Valiant. Vulnerable. Very beautiful.

The Fifth Element - Megan

So where do you know Alan from?
We play tennis at the club.
Really? California Racquet Club?
That's my club too. I don't remember seeing you there.
Well, I haven't been playing in a while because of these kidney pains.
Right. Now, how long have you had these pains, Mr. Barber?
No, that's "Babar".
Two B's?
One B. B-A-B-A-R.
That's two.
Yeah, but not right next to each other. I thought that's what you meant.
Arnold Babar. Isn't there a children's book about an elephant named Babar?
I don't know. I don't have any.
No children?
No elephant books.

Fletch - Megan

I believe in a God that doesn't require heavy financing.

Fletch Lives - Steven/Mike Wehrman

There's the limo from the mansion.
Yeah, and that's Emil Muzz.
Let's check Enid Bordon's description.
[Opens his notebook and reads from it] Big, bad, stupid-looking.
An exact match.

Dragnet - Steven/Mike Werhman/Jim

Do you have anything here besides Mexican food?

Three Amigos - Steven/Mike Wehrman

I hate this place. This zoo. This prison. This reality, whatever you want to call it, I can't stand it any longer. It's the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink and every time I do, I fear that I've somehow been infected by it.

The Matrix - Megan

I'm from Miami-fuckin'-Beach and you wanna show me the ocean, huh? And what about sun, does it ever shine around here, or is this smog around all the time?
They say the smog is the reason we have such beautiful sunsets.
That's what they say, huh? What a bunch of fuckin bullshit.

Get Shorty - Megan

Well, I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin' motherfucker, motherfucker! Every time my fingers touch brain, I'm Superfly T.N.T., I'm the Guns of the Navarone!

Pulp Fiction - Megan Note: I couldn't resist the second Pulp Fiction quote. I actually considered using all 15 from that movie.

That's my brand. Oh, this is damn good! Say, this is the best beer I've ever had. Actually, I'm just glad to be alive right now. I was up a few towns away... you know Saragosa? I was visiting a bar there, not unlike this one. They serve beer... not quite as good as this, but close. And I saw something you wouldn't believe. I'm sitting there see, small table all by myself at this bar. It's full of real low-lives. I mean, not like this place here. No, I mean bad. Like they were up to no good. Anyway, I'm by myself... I like it that way. Meanwhile, things are going on... under the table kinds of things. Not too obvious but, not too secret either. So, I'm sitting there. And in walks the biggest Mexican I have ever seen. Big as shit. Just walks right in like he owns the place. And nobody knew quite what to make of him... or quite what to think. There he was and in he walked. He was dark too. I don't mean dark-skinned. No, this was different. It was if he was always walking in a shadow. I mean every step he took toward the light, just when you thought his face was about to be revealed... it wasn't. It was as if the lights dimmed, just for him.

Desperado - Steven/Jim

You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek. But first... first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril. Mm-hmm. You shall see thangs, wonderful to tell. You shall see a... a cow... on the roof of a cotton house, ha. And, oh, so many startlements. I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the obstacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward. Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation.

O Brother Where Art Thou? - Jim (via Lori)

I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face. I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk-off. Do I make myself clear?
[after a pause] I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.

The Big Lebowski - Megan

Uh-huh. In the eighteenth century, no such thing, nada, nothing. No one ever imagined such a thing. No sane person, anyway. Ah! Ah! Along comes this doctor, uh, uh, uh, Semmelweis, Semmelweis. Semmelweis comes along. He's trying to convince people, well, other doctors mainly, that's there's these teeny tiny invisible bad things called germs that get into your body and make you sick. Ah? He's trying to get doctors to wash their hands. What is this guy? Crazy? Teeny, tiny, invisible? What do you call it? Uh-uh, germs? Huh? What? Now, cut to the 20th century. Last week, as a matter of fact, before I got dragged into this hellhole. I go in to order a burger in this fast food joint, and the guy drops it on the floor. Jim, he picks it up, he wipes it off, he hands it to me like it's all OK. "What about the germs?" I say. He says, "I don't believe in germs. Germs is just a plot they made up so they can sell you disinfectants and soaps." Now he's crazy, right? See? Ah! Ah! There's no right, there's no wrong, there's only popular opinion.

12 Monkeys - Megan

Later this week: Post #100: It's A Celebration, Bitches!


Moflo said...

1. Pulp Fiction
2. Seven
4. The Fifth Element
5. Fletch?
9. The Matrix
10. Get Shorty
11. Pulp Fiction
14. The Big Lebowski
15. 12 Monkeys

Andrew Skaff said...

Correct on all counts. Was I too obvious, or are you just that damned good?

kilax said...

3 is No Country for Old Men.

Andrew Skaff said...

Right you are. Steven will probably know the rest.

Bro said...

#6 sounds really familiar, but I'm not sure. Is it Fletch Lives?
#7 is Dragnet
#8 is The 3 Amigos
#12 is Desperado
#13 sounds familiar also, but I can't place it.

Mike Wehrman said...

Well, the mexican food one (8)is from Three Amigos. The God one (6) is from Fletch Lives. You do know that another Fletch movie is in the works, right? According to IMDB...estimated arrival date: 2009.

Bro said...

Wait, did I guess #7? #7 is Dragnet...

Jim said...

I'm only going to answer the ones you don't have answers for:

#7 - Dragnet, starring Dan Aykroyd and Tom Hanks...great! I mean, what grown man doesn't want a cheeseburger phone?

#12 - Desperado - Steve Buscemi to Cheech Marin, right before Antonio comes in and wipes the bar out.

#13 (this is all Lori) - O' Brother, Where Art Thou?

You probably could have done 15 awesome quotes from the first 15 minutes of Pulp Fiction. Best Quote-able Movie of all time. Ever. Period.

Andrew Skaff said...

All - Wow, either I picked really easy quotes, or everyone just knows me too well.

bro - Nice job... as predicted, you knew just about all of the remaining ones. We've only seen some of those movies 25-50 times together, right?

mike - Yeah, they keep pushing it back. Kevin Smith was supposed to write and direct it, but he gave up on it. Too bad... I'm keeping my hopes low so I won't be disappointed.

jim - I may just put together a ranked list of best quotes from Pulp Fiction one day on this blog. It probably won't be appropriate information for your site though, would it?