Quotes for the Week #85

"Moose Drool is delicious." - Chelsea Waller

"Hmmm... I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence." - Leela

Quotes for the Week #84

"Yeah, I have to say, I thought the toilet humor would get less funny with repetition. Apparently, there is no law of diminishing returns with space poop." - Dr. Sheldon Cooper

"And folks the system is clearly working. As Retired General Robert Vines says, quote 'because it lacks a synchronizing process... we consequently can't effectively assess whether it is making us more safe', which means it's making us more safe. You see, if our enemies infiltrate our spy networks, they, like us, will have no f#cking idea what is going on. So, I'm calling on Congress to make our intelligence system even larger, with a new agency to monitor our existing agencies, the National Central Homeland Surveillance Bureau of Intelligence Agencies Agency, the NCHSBIAA, or Enchisbiaah, whose great seal features an eagle looking up its own ass." - Stephen Colbert

"The next thing I know, I'm running for my life. And all I could think was, if something were to ever happen to me... how sad I'd be, you know?" - George 'Gob' Bluth II

"Suck my dick, if I had one. I have to pee." - Lori D.

Quotes for the Week #83

"United we stand, divided... go f#ck yourself." - Stephen Colbert



Normally, there would just be quotes from this, but the entire segment was worth quoting...

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Alpha Dog of the Week - David H. Brooks
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election Fox News

Quotes for the Week #82

"Yeah, that's what separates us from the monkeys. That and the armed guards at the zoo. Damn, they've got some sexy monkeys down there." - Glen Quagmire

"I once dated a guy who loved the independence of living on his own, chugging from the carton in the middle of the night. He said the isolation was a trade off he could live with. I thought I'd hit the mother load... Then he told me he was going to clown camp." Marshall Mary Shannon

Quotes for the Week #81

In response to "I'm not above selling my body." by Zac "Z-Rex" Swanson from Quotes for the Week #79 : "Too bad most people are above buying it." - Kasra "Dr. X" Ramyar

"I am never moving out of my parents' house again." - "Dainty" Bridget Bier$mith

"Mexicans are ethnics?" - Zac "Z-Rex" Swanson

"I think I'm failing psychopharmacology... I thought it was a class about crazy farm animals, ok?" - Troy Barnes

Quotes for the Week #80

"No, soccer is some swarthy Dutchman rolling around on the field pretending to have a near-fatal stubbed toe." - John Hodgman

"Americans live sports at which they are the best... like basketball and diabetes." - John Hodgman

Quotes for the Week #79

"I am not above selling my body." - Zac "Z-Rex" Swanson

"Clearly, I'm a fucking charmer." - Zac "Z-Rex" Swanson