Quotes for the Week #33

"Prescription: pay for health care by letting people sell their organs. Jon, do you have any idea how much a healthy kidney is worth? $160,000. And we all have two of them, like big fat money bags nestled back here behind the spleen. And what are people doing with them... using them to filter their urine. I say: turn that stream of waste into a real golden shower... of money." - John Hodgman

"Leonard, you have to do something about Penny. She's interfering with my sleep. She's interfering with my work. And if I had another significant aspect of my life, I'm sure she'd be interfering with that too." - Dr. Sheldon Cooper

"We've been legally separated since 1989. It's been a nightmare, Lemon. I'm mean, one minute you're newlyweds, making love on the floor of the Concorde, then the next, your lawyers are fighting over who gets to keep the box your dog defecates in." - Jack Donaghey

"Hi, my name is Liz Lemon and I received flowers from your shop tonight and I can't tell who they're from. No, I did read the card, but it's not signed. No, I'm not with so many men that it's impossible for me to guess. Well, that is just... Oh, oh, you know what, I found the card, actually they're from your mom. So, tell your gay mom I said thanks." - Liz Lemon

"Look at Steve, living by the sweat of his brow, working hard to earn an honest buck. What a douche." - Roger

"Ah, oh my god. Oh my god, I'm not beloved. I'm hated. I'm surrounded by people who hate me. It's like our wedding all over again... except I'm you." -Stan Smith

"I have to be crazy thin for this wedding. Women I have hated my entire life are coming from around the world to be jealous of me. They're not leaving until they're in tears." - Andrea Belladonna