Quotes for the Week #37

"When I needed sales people for my new paper company, everyone here turned their back on me. Am I going to ask them to beg for forgiveness? No. Am I going to ask for a big crying apology? No. Am I going to ask them to slit their wrists for me? No. I just want a tiny, microscopic version of that." - Michael Scott

"Dwight, Let me explain something to you. I set the rules and you follow them... blindly. OK? And if you have a problem with that, then you can talk to our complaint department. It's a trash can." - Michael Scott

"Therein lies the dilemma. This corporation has a very strict 'bros before hos' policy." - Jack Donaghey

"Five million each? That's NBA sexual assault money." - Jack Donaghey

"Gentlemen, token ladies, I have an important announcement. Some of you may or may not recognize the woman standing beside me. Her name is Celeste Cunningham and she is a Democratic Congresswoman from the state of Vermont. She is my lover. That's right. She's my liberal, hippie dippie momma, my groovy chick, my old lady. She was our chief adversary in the Sheinhart Wig Hearings. She wants to tax us all to death and make it legal for a man to marry his own dog. But I think what we have is special and I'm proud of her and I'm not going to hide it any longer. I'm Jack Donaghey, dammit, and this is my woman." - Jack Donaghey

"I feel for you. Remember that time I came back from the World Economic Forum with mono and missed a week of work and I wanted to pull my hair out but I couldn't because it's too thick? People like us, we need the stress. We're only happy when we're overcoming obstacles. You take that away, we start bouncing off the walls, spend our days jabbering at doormen." - Jack Donaghey