"Now I know what the founders of Phillip Morris felt like. You just want give people a smooth, fun way to relax and suddenly you're just some terrible monster." - Michael Scott
"By the way, is it bad when your urine comes out carbonated?" - Stephen Colbert
"Tony Danza has begun work on a new A&E series in which he will spend a year teaching 10th grade English at a New York City school. The network has already begun preparing a spin-off series in which a group of students repeat 10th grade English." - Seth Meyers
"If we were part of the team that confirms string theory we could drink for free in any bar in any college town with a university that has a strong science program." - Rajesh Koothrappali
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