"Last night was one of the greatest nights of my whole life. I used to live like this, in squalor, in filth, always trying to get over on people, scamming my way through situations. I want to live like you again, Charlie. I want to be pathetic and desperate and ugly and hopeless. This is the change I've been looking for. I want to move in with you." - Frank Reynolds
"The lady will be having the tasting menu, but with some substitutions. Instead of... any of it, she'll have a cup of hot water with a chicken bone in it and a bowl of salted ice cubes." - Jack Donaghey
"What if this experience hasn't changed me. Maybe everything I was feeling for Elisa was just neediness. I mean, can two people fall in love over a benign gonad cyst?" - Jack Donaghey
"People talk too much. People think too much. We're all village idiots enamored with our shadows, oblivious to the setting sun." - Marshall Mary Shannon
In the year 3000... "General Motors will begin selling smarter, more efficient cars... that break down within walking distance of a Toyota dealership." - Conan O'Brien
In the year 3000... "Babies will start listening to dance music when Lady GaGa teams up with the Goo Goo Dolls to form the super group - GaGaGooGoo." - AndyRichter
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