"I'm no stranger to the art of japery. At Princeton, I was in a secret society and, I shouldn't tell you this, but one time, we snuck up to Dartmouth, put their mascot in a box and sent it to Mexico City. We didn't know until the next day that 'it' was an actual Indian. He didn't speak a word of English, like all Dartmouth men." - Jack Donaghey
"That doesn't really describe it. You're more of a 'fun vampire' because you don't suck blood... you just suck." - Troy Barnes
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