"I really don't know. Maybe it was the eleven months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus. He was our miracle baby and I was just to burnt out on raising you guys to care. So, he turned out a little... a soft, you know, a little doughy." - George Bluth, Sr.
"Wayne Jarvis, attorney at law and it is my responsibility to tell you that there is no candy in this office." - Wayne Jarvis
Bonus, completely unrelated quote
"You outta smile more Tony. You've got to enjoy yourself. Every day above ground is a good day." - Mel Bernstein