Name That Tune... A Competition?

The weekend competition (if one could call it that) in the form of Name That Tune (for the lead-in to the competition see the post "Weekend of Competition"), took place across two different days in two different venues using two different types of audible transmission devices. The results however, were nearly identical. The competition began at my apartment with Megan's shiny new 8GB iPod Nano loaded with 1500+ songs and attached to my stereo system via a dock with remote control. The mp3 player was set to shuffle and we had a quick practice round of about ten tracks. The first person to name the artist/song title was to be awarded the points (one point for artist, one point for title, so either person could gain up to two points per song - if there were ties - saying artist/song title, the point was split). The practice round was not scored, but seemed to be dead even. In retrospect, either she was toying with me, giving me a false sense of security, or it just happened that there was a random run of tracks that I just happened to know - i.e. luck.

Name That Tune – A Debacle in Skaff Manor

"The Wyco Waif" Megan "MoHotShit" Florance

vs.

"The Marshalltown Mauler" Andrew "The Lebanese Dream" Skaff


Megan "MoHotShit" Florance began Round 1 with great vengeance and furious anger, swiping the first seven points. Skaff dug in his heels and took points where he could, but he was clearly outclassed. This became evident when the sheer force of Florance's thunderous call of "The Monkees, I'm A Believer" literally displaced Skaff from his timid perch on the couch, sending him toppling over his modern coffee table and nearly into his television stand. The dazed Lebanese Dream slowly rose to his feet, but Round 1 had come to a close with the score of 16.5 to 6.5 in favor of the Wyco Waif.

The highlight for the evening, as expected, belonged to MoHotShit. In the day’s ante-penultimate round (Round 6), Skaff was reduced to weeping into his neatly pressed dress shirt after being defeated in humiliating fashion, 25-5. Two rounds and two victories later, Florance found herself sitting on a comfortable 192-108 lead after 245 songs – the conclusion of Day 1.

The venue for Day 2 was shifted to the humble abode of The Wyco Waif. The rules at the new location remained the same, but the equipment was changed slightly. The stereo system from Skaff’s home was replaced with a splitter attached to dual headphones. The iPod, which had been paused at the end of Day 1, resumed in the same place in the randomized, 1500-song playlist. Skaff had hoped that a night’s rest would allow him to regain his edge, but he clearly did not appear to be confident. He arrived at the venue with his dress shirt miss-buttoned, hair mussed and may or may not have been wearing matching socks. Clearly, he was unprepared for battle, but he vowed to press on and “take my beating like a man… like a man being physically overmatched by a small child.” The last part was nearly inaudible over the sobbing, but after some time with the tape, a technical crew was able clean up the audio enough to make out the final words.

Florance continued to exert her will over her hapless competitor, securing victories in the first three rounds and extending her lead by 55 points. Round 4 contained, possibly, the most notable event of the competition. Skaff had managed to close a large deficit to force a tie at 35-35 before Florance resorted to an act of treachery to maintain her dominance. The Lebanese Dream recalled the details of the event,”Through my muted perception (because of the headphones inserted into his ears), I believed her to say ‘Eminem, Business,’ calling out the artist and song title. However, the song being played was clearly Dr. Dre's "Forgot About Dre", featuring Eminem.” In reality, she was actually giving a command to her 143-pound half-chow/half-manbeast she refers to as "Izzy". Instead of "Eminem, Business" she spoke the words "rend him handless," which sent "Izzy" lunging over the arm of the futon and beginning to feast on the meaty flesh of Skaff’s left hand. As Skaff writhed in pain, Florance took the final 11 points of the round to maintain her victory streak.

Skaff gave his best effort to continue, despite the physical damage to his body, battling on for two more rounds, each ending in disappointment. His blood soaked towel was thrown in after the sixth round with the final score for the day; 203.5 – 125.5. While Skaff may be had a slightly better showing on Day 2, Florance was still dominant. The overall final score was 395.5 – 233.5, covering 475 songs in total.

Florance’s victory celebration included dancing wildly on the futon, under which Skaff could be found curled up into the fetal position and crying loudly. Florance was unable to hear the sobbing, however, because her headphones were still firmly in place while blaring Queen’s “We Are the Champions”.



NOTE: As mentioned before, I have never competed against anyone that posed even the slightest challenge (even with skewed scoring systems to favor my opponent in one case) in a Name That Tune competition. Now, not only have I been challenged, I have been defeated. Not only have I been defeated, I have been humiliated to the point that I may never be able to listen to music in the same manner. The "Wyco Waif" was not simply dominant in a physical sense, but a metaphysical sense as well as she now is in possession of my soul.