"Dwight Howard has the word "dominate" on Post It notes around his house... Do you?" "I have Post It notes around my house, but they read... 'nachos'." - Tony Kornheiser and Dan LeBatard
"Don't worry, Mr. Halpern, a lot of people are afraid of needles. I was only surprised that you were the first one I've come across that doesn't have a vagina." - Denise "Jo"
"Shut up. Do you know what this means? That when I ask our nanny how she manages to raise her own kid without a nanny, I can hire a second nanny to listen to her boring answer." - Jordan Sullivan
"Carla, why won't you pick up? I need to talk. I cannot believe you leave the country the week I get back together with JD. I feel like that's not a coincidence. Wait, I didn't mean that. I know that your aunt didn't fall out of that balloon on purpose. Anyway, I promised JD this crazy sex night and now I'm totally losing it. I've been trying on lingerie, but nothing fits because I ate an entire batch of cookie dough last night with a spatula. Plus, at my last appointment, I got in a fight with my waxer and now there's a rash on my vagingo that looks like a thousand tiny spider bites. Dammit Carla, I need tonight to be special and you're not there for me. And I know what you're going to say. You're gonna say that you always come through and sometimes I'm selfish, but even if that's true, I don't need to hear your attitude right now because I am sick of it. Do you hear me? Sick of it. I love you. Call me." - Dr. Elliot Reed
"You know what Phyllis? I think you need to step it up. I think you need to get the lead out. Because, if I'm not mistaken, we gave you your wedding shower in here. We all came in here and gave you a golden shower. Well you know what? Where's my golden shower, Phyllis?" - Michael Scott
"You know what they say... keep your friends close, enemies closer. and if that doesn't work... kill 'em." - Det. Mac Taylor