"Airlines are considering charging for reclining seats. Also, your scrotum now counts as a carry on bag." - Stephen Colbert
"That's not fair. I slept with that hot girl and you want me to pretend I slept with Connie? That's like going to Led Zeppelin and telling everybody I saw Styx." - Larry Munsch
"I'm sorry if this is your wake-up call, but being an ugly woman is like being a man... you're gonna have to work." - Daniel Tosh
"What part of Europe is he from... Pretentioustan?" - Mitchell Pritchett
"Well, here's a good reason. You ever go the bathroom and find parsley in your teeth that your friends hadn't told you about? Now, imagine your teeth are a uterus and that parsley is a half-Chinese baby." - Pierce Hawthorne
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