Resolutions

In accordance with standard New Year’s practices, I have decided (in conjunction with the author of ilaxstudio) to craft a series of resolutions for 2008. The resolutions that follow are completely real and should be read with no sarcasm whatsoever. Additionally, the post is the first of many with the aid of the new official creative consultant (Megan).

1. I resolve to put on 40 pounds. Initially, I will attempt to add 40 pounds of muscle. However, if I am having difficulties achieving this, I will resort to alterative methods, including two daily commutes to Go Chicken Go – once in the morning for the new A.I.O. breakfast burrito* and once in the afternoon for the 21-piece bucket of savory goodness.

2. I resolve to finally watch the entire library of the great thespian Steven Segal in chronological order.

3. I resolve to complete my screenplay, the long awaited sequel to Spaceballs – entitled Spaceballs Zwei (scripted entirely in German).

4. I resolve to learn to play the electric guitar so that I can form a Flock of Seagulls tribute band that only plays B-52’s music.

5. I resolve to stop creating fake resolutions.

*The A.I.O. breakfast burrito contains all internal organs (livers/gizzards/hearts) with macaroni and cheese, eggs and is wrapped in a fried mashed potato tortilla.