Just as Megan and I are always trying to out-do each other in virtually all facets of life, now gift giving has become a competition as well. Rather than spoil the surprise, as Megan chose to do in this post, I decided to hold off on revealing the gifts that I acquired for our Valentine's Day celebration until the day they were actually received. Since this is our first opportunity to exchange gifts, it will be the first of many competitions. Gifts have been given, but birthdays are a one way thing and, additionally, we had decided to just spend time together (by going out for a nice meal via limo service) at Christmas (since the relationship was so new) instead of a formal gift exchange.
Now that Valentine's Day is here, I can reveal to the world how thoughtful I can be, so here is the list of the "real" gifts that Megan is receiving today.
5. Because of her disdain for an industry driven holiday, I know that she would not appreciate flowers being delivered to her office. However, as a non-traditional gift giver, I'm sure she will find the exception in this - I had delivered to her 3 dozen of the finest dandelion blooms to remind her that the cold weather would soon break, and warm weather will be returning to KC.
4. The complete works of Steely Dan - on 8-track. I overheard Megan talking about her favorite band, Steely Dan, with one of my co-workers one day. She claimed that Steely Dan was considered "legendary" and that their music will live on forever - even longer than the Beatles or Led Zeppelin. I beg to differ, but I want her to be happy and the ability to listen to her favorite music on her favorite form of media (8-track) Would you believe that she has a dual 8-track player in her car? I found it shocking that someone would go to the trouble of installing an 8-track player in a less than ten year old vehicle... especially someone under the age of 30.
3. A signed copy of Barack Obama's The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream. You can ask her about this one, but I think she has a secret crush on the potential next president of the United States.
2. The complete (so far) set of her favorite show on DVD - The Real Housewives of Orange County - Seasons 1-3. The big bonus, that she doesn't know, is that if all seasons are purchased together there is an added benefit. All she will have to do is cut out the proof of purchases and send them in along with the receipt and she will receive, by mail, one free botox injection.
1. Kenny Chesney and Leann Rimes: the Poets and Pirates Tour ticket. You will notice that the word ticket is singular, meaning - while she may want desperately to attend this "festival", I would not subject myself to this torture. This event contains a combination of Megan's favorite things: 1) poets, 2) pirates 3) country music and 4) anything involving Kenny Chesney, Leann Rimes or any combination of Kenny Chesney and Leann Rimes, but both together, may actually cause her heart to explode.
Megan deserves to be happy, and I am just trying to make that happen.
Disclaimer: I feel obligated to place this disclaimer at the bottom of this post instead of simply writing a retraction in tomorrow's update. Megan is not actually receiving any of these gifts - if any of them were to arrive, she would likely decapitate me with a simple glance (no contact of any kind would be required). In fact, just by mentioning any of these gift "ideas" is likely to anger her, so I am running a great risk for physical harm, all for the sake of humor. I don't really need two kidneys, right?
Disclaimer to the "Disclaimer": Megan, like me, is a non-violent person and mentions of such, are simply in jest.