Quotes for the Week #37

"When I needed sales people for my new paper company, everyone here turned their back on me. Am I going to ask them to beg for forgiveness? No. Am I going to ask for a big crying apology? No. Am I going to ask them to slit their wrists for me? No. I just want a tiny, microscopic version of that." - Michael Scott

"Dwight, Let me explain something to you. I set the rules and you follow them... blindly. OK? And if you have a problem with that, then you can talk to our complaint department. It's a trash can." - Michael Scott

"Therein lies the dilemma. This corporation has a very strict 'bros before hos' policy." - Jack Donaghey

"Five million each? That's NBA sexual assault money." - Jack Donaghey

"Gentlemen, token ladies, I have an important announcement. Some of you may or may not recognize the woman standing beside me. Her name is Celeste Cunningham and she is a Democratic Congresswoman from the state of Vermont. She is my lover. That's right. She's my liberal, hippie dippie momma, my groovy chick, my old lady. She was our chief adversary in the Sheinhart Wig Hearings. She wants to tax us all to death and make it legal for a man to marry his own dog. But I think what we have is special and I'm proud of her and I'm not going to hide it any longer. I'm Jack Donaghey, dammit, and this is my woman." - Jack Donaghey

"I feel for you. Remember that time I came back from the World Economic Forum with mono and missed a week of work and I wanted to pull my hair out but I couldn't because it's too thick? People like us, we need the stress. We're only happy when we're overcoming obstacles. You take that away, we start bouncing off the walls, spend our days jabbering at doormen." - Jack Donaghey

Quotes for the Week #36

"Women can do anything men can do... except math, chess, running, jumping, lifting stuff, fixing things, making money, hockey, surfing, driving, making decisions, being tall, taking out the garbage, tipping, fishing, being funny... on purpose, reading a map, listening to good bands, writing, running the country, inventing anything important, or being fun to hang out with." - Daniel Tosh

"So, in just sixteen months, during which Glenn Beck moved from CNN to Fox, you can chart the incredible progress of health care in this country... I'll tell you what really doesn't speak well of our health care system, that in those sixteen months, the hole that they stitched up in Glenn Beck's ass hasn't healed enough for him to stop talking out of it." - Jon Stewart

"I always thought that record would stand until it was broken." - Yogi Berra

"The Steiner Brothers were a household name. Harlem Heat were a household name. But, you know what? Garbage is a household name also, and just like garbage, you're both getting old and you stink." - Brother Ray

Washington D.C. Update and Pics

Here are a few pictures from the (still occurring) trip to Washington D.C.

The Washington Monument just before sunset

Washington Monument from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial

Lincoln
Washington Monument from inside the WWII Memorial

Lincoln Memorial at sunset
The Capitol Building after dusk

The skylight for the underground connection between the East and West Buildings of the National Gallery of Art - Designed by I. M. Pei

National Gallery of Art - East Building

Again

Inside the National Gallery of Art - East Building
National Gallery of Art - East Building ceiling
More National Gallery of Art - East Building
One more

Bonus(?): On the menu of the "restaurant" attached to my hotel the sizes of pizzas were listed as: personal, medium (one tray) and large (two trays). I had to order a medium pizza just to see what was meant by "one tray" (the place served Italian food, but was presumably run entirely by Asian people... weird). Yeah... the pizza was served directly on cafeteria style tray. With the relatively thin crust, I have a feeling it was baked directly on the tray. When it was brought out to the table my thought process was something like - "Hmmm... uh... okay? It is indeed one tray. Is that sanitary? Is it even possible to bake a pizza on a cafeteria tray? Surely they've done this before... they're still open. What the hell." It was alright, nothing special, but I wouldn't order pizza from there again. I apparently was only capable of eating a "half-tray" of pizza that night... I'm glad I didn't order the large (two trays). I would have had about six extra meals for the week, but who wants to eat the same mediocre food THAT many times.

Today: The conference is done (or at least I'm done with it), so I have a half day to myself in D.C. before I head back to KC. On the agenda - an 8-mile walk/jog from the hotel to the Lincoln Memorial, down the National Mall to the Capitol building and back! I can't think of anything that should be more motivating on a run than that scenery and what it represents. Then, I should have time to shower/change and get back out for my tour of The International Spy Museum! Sweet! Thoughts on the conference and more pics will be posted soon (hopefully tomorrow).

UPDATE: I wrote everything before this last night but didn't get around to publishing it, so I'll tack this part on here. (Hey, Dad!) I got up at 5 o'clock to run (eastern - so I guess I got up at 4, but that's a technicality). The route was awesome - from my hotel, which is by the Iwo Jima Memorial, I walked along Arlington Cemetery then crossed the Potomac River. I started the run at the Lincoln Memorial, then along the Reflecting Pool, around the WWII Memorial, Washington Monument, the National Mall (Smithsonian) and then around the Capitol Building Reflecting Pool (which is by the Grant Memorial), then back on the other side of the same route and finsihed by running up the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. There, I paid my respects to Mr. Lincoln, and dragged my ass the last 2 miles back across the Potomac to the hotel. Total distance (according to Google Maps) was just about 10 miles in 2 hours 15 minutes. The run part was 4.6 miles in 47 min. My longest distance and likely the most memorable run I will ever have...

Return of Content

Some times, you just need some time away from writing. Some times you just feel the urge to purge all regular content in order to kind of start over. Blah, blah, blah - here's something that's not a list of quotes or a cop-out post!

In order to kick off my "glorious" return to blogging, here are a few updates to advance/close out some unfinished business and some possible future content.

• The "Health Kick" series: I was attempting to drop 32 pounds in six months (by the middle of June - earlier posts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5), but I didn't quite make it. I dropped from 232 down to 205, which is pretty damned close. Since then, I've held pretty steady (208 at last check). I'm not too upset with missing the goal though - my resting heart rate has dropped almost 25% (Holy shit, I'm almost in decent shape now!) and had to replace about half of my wardrobe (which probably needed to go anyway).
• Running update: As of the last update, I was running on a treadmill and had personal bests for distance at more than the 5k range (5k in 27.5 min) and had my top mile down to under an 8 minutes. Since then, I slacked for a couple months, then started running outside in the KC heat and humidity. As of now, I've pushed back to the 3 mile range (28 min in 85+ degree weather) and had a mile time in the 8:10 range. Running outside is a different ballgame. Breathing is so much more difficult to manage in a non-temperature controlled environment. Unfortunately, after reading Kim's stories about shin-splints, I started feeling the ache in the shins as well(probably partially psychological) and decided to take a little time off before pushing any further and mixing in more elliptical/stationary bike time to try to prevent that type of injury.
• Work update: There's some semi-exciting news on this front finally! Right now, I'm writing this update from our nation's capitol, Washington DC, while I have some down time from after completing the second day at the Fall 2009 National Meeting of the American Chemical Society. Last night, I presented some of my work at a poster session. Check it out... if you dare (if it's difficult to see, just download the image and keep zooming in, it's actual size is 40"x54").
  

• The beard: After the monumental Seven Beards in Seven Days series (For previous posts see Prologue, One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Epilogue, Director's "Cut"), I've been pretty lame. I've only sampled a few different beards, and, surprisingly, I'm currently wearing something not included in the series.
  
• The Royals: A month after writing my annual Royals prediction post, I looked like a genius. They were sitting pretty at 18-11, in first place in the Central with a couple game lead. But then... the shitstorm. Since then, they're 28-61 and have a 5 1/2 game stranglehold on the cellar. Ugh. What the fuck, Royals? Talk about sucking it up.
• New content to come: There will be photos (and maybe, eventually, videos)! This summer has included the World Baseball Tour trip to Chicago and Milwaukee and the current D.C. trip - photos are on the way very soon. Oh, and tomorrow I will be attending my 14th Major League Baseball game of the year (in the fourth city!) as the hometown Nationals host the Colorado Rockies - photos to come on that as well. I'm working on a "What Does Andrew Do?" series that may include some videos of how I do some lab work. I think it might be interesting to show what kind of work I actually do in the lab as opposed to the nonsensical-to-the-layperson posters I've posted here before with no translation guides for non-scientists. Plus it would give me a chance to try some video production/editing. It might be fun... It might be more of a pain-in-the-ass than it's worth. But, I'm going to give it a shot.

Quotes for the Week #35

"Dude, I know you've seen Entrapment at least 26 times. You have to do this. You're twice as limber as C. Zeta-Jones. Gus, we don't have a lot of options here. It's not like we can turn back. Look, it's three lasers... plus they're Canadian lasers. I'm gonna guide you through this. Usain Bolt." - Shawn Spencer

"I've always believed that doors are meant to be opened, that's why they have hinges and knobs. You put up a barrier and some body is going to walk through it. It's human nature to want to know what's on the other side and to ignore the obvious catch... doors are there for a reason." - Maddux Donner

"It's true that some doors are better left unopened. But you usually don't realize it until you're on the other side. We all make mistakes, it comes with the territory. Still no reason to live your life in one room." - Maddux Donner

"The doors we choose to open determine the path of our lives, be they brave, angry, foolish, painful. We're defined by what we do, where we go, and you can't go anywhere without opening the door." - Maddux Donner

"Not Sheldon. Over the years we formulated many theories about how he might reproduce. I'm an advocate of mitosis. I believe one day, Sheldon will eat an enormous amount of Thai food and split into two Sheldons." - Howard Wolowitz

"No offense, Randy, but there's a long list of candidates for this slot. The slot is Vice President of Awesome, and you're, like, Assistant Under-Secretary of Only O.K." - Barney Stinson

Quotes for the Week #34

"Love is like an onion. Then, you peel away layer after stinky layer until you're just... weeping over the sink." - Pete Hornberger

"Bosses. Everybody has one. Without bosses, we'd be like these worms. Disgusting. Bosses make everything better. So, listen to your boss and don't question them. Otherwise, you're no better than a worm. Veridian Dynamics. Bosses. Necessary." - Narrator

"Yeah, he'll probably end up some two-bit partisan troll, a shell of his former self. His outward physical appearance slowly reflecting the putrification of his soul. A Harvey Fierstein-esque conservative minstrel rolling from town to town in a rented conversion van. Each day a carbon copy of the last with only the changing of his three gravy stained red speech ties to mark the progression of time. Every sunrise, an incandescent f*ck you from a god that long ago abandoned him.... What were we talking about?" - Jon Stewart

"Never go with a hippie to a second location." - Jack Donaghey

Quotes for the Week #33

"Prescription: pay for health care by letting people sell their organs. Jon, do you have any idea how much a healthy kidney is worth? $160,000. And we all have two of them, like big fat money bags nestled back here behind the spleen. And what are people doing with them... using them to filter their urine. I say: turn that stream of waste into a real golden shower... of money." - John Hodgman

"Leonard, you have to do something about Penny. She's interfering with my sleep. She's interfering with my work. And if I had another significant aspect of my life, I'm sure she'd be interfering with that too." - Dr. Sheldon Cooper

"We've been legally separated since 1989. It's been a nightmare, Lemon. I'm mean, one minute you're newlyweds, making love on the floor of the Concorde, then the next, your lawyers are fighting over who gets to keep the box your dog defecates in." - Jack Donaghey

"Hi, my name is Liz Lemon and I received flowers from your shop tonight and I can't tell who they're from. No, I did read the card, but it's not signed. No, I'm not with so many men that it's impossible for me to guess. Well, that is just... Oh, oh, you know what, I found the card, actually they're from your mom. So, tell your gay mom I said thanks." - Liz Lemon

"Look at Steve, living by the sweat of his brow, working hard to earn an honest buck. What a douche." - Roger

"Ah, oh my god. Oh my god, I'm not beloved. I'm hated. I'm surrounded by people who hate me. It's like our wedding all over again... except I'm you." -Stan Smith

"I have to be crazy thin for this wedding. Women I have hated my entire life are coming from around the world to be jealous of me. They're not leaving until they're in tears." - Andrea Belladonna