Friday, October 26, 2007

Fortune

Unfortunately the title of this post does not pertain to work - as in fortune has turned my way and I will get my long deserved day(s) off (the verdict will be revealed later in the post because I don't know yet at this point in the day) - but actually is related to a fortune from a fortune cookie that I got on my last visit to Panda Express. I always liked Panda Express in the Memorial Union at ISU, but I was even happier when they started opening them up down in Kansas City. They have decent Chinese food and it's incredibly fast and not overpriced. There is one close to my current residence, and I picked up food from there after work the other day. Here is the amusing "fortune" that I received from my post meal cookie - "Only talented people get help from others". I'm not entirely sure what to make of this statement. Assuming that the grammar is correct, and that this was the intended message, then it can really only mean that people who are not talented refuse to ask others for help. But, the word talent, implies something that you are born with, something that comes from within. People with talent in something particular, shouldn't really need outside "help". My best guess is that something is lost in translation and it should read something like "All successful people get help from others". What happened to true fortune cookie fortunes anyway? At one time weren't fortune cookie fortunes a short glance into who or what you are or may become and not just some silly, possibly mistranslated statement?

Maybe the real questions should be - How did you manage to write this much crap about a seven word fortune? It's just an exercise in where my mind will take me given some kind of push. Today, the push was this fortune cookie, and I think I have amazed myself as to how much BS I can write about something so insignificant. Have I spent way too much time analyzing a stupid piece of paper from inside a not-so-good tasting cookie? The answer to that has to be a resounding... yes. But who cares? My brain is mush at this point, and I really don't want to think about work, so I'll waste my time on whatever I please. I should be finding out shortly if I will need to come in on the weekend to attempt to salvage this side project. But first, an amusing story...

Possibly the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life revolves around a fortune, and I feel that the story needs to be immortalized in permanent record. A few years ago, in what has to be the best Chinese restaurant that I have ever gone to - the North Dragon, in Gladstone (a KC suburb), I was eating dinner with the entire family (parents, brother and now sister in law) since everyone was in town. After the meal, they bring fortune cookies as most Chinese places do, and my sister in law (ilaxstudio.com) gets a fortune that she thinks is great. She's holding the fortune and talking about how she is going to keep it. Without any warning, my brother snatches the paper from her fingers and eats it. Yes, you read that, it's not a typo, he ate the fortune. For about a second everyone was just staring, processing what had just occurred, and then the laughing began and continued for the next five to ten minutes, constant, uproarious laughter - laughing so hard that you start crying and your stomach hurts, but you can't stop, so you're barely able to keep sitting on the restaurant chair, in pain, crying, trying to stop laughing, but cannot for the life of you just stop. That kind of laughing. I'm sure it was quite a sight for the other patrons of the restaurant. It is possible that I am lucky to be alive, surviving after laughing so hard for a long period of time. In fact to this day, just recounting that night in writing this post has made me laugh... out loud... during work. What possessed him to do that? Why would it even cross your mind to eat someone's fortune, not the cookie, the fortune? It really doesn't make any difference because it was damned funny (and it's probably better not knowing what actually goes on inside my brother's head).



And now, the answers to the questions that are burning in everyone's minds - Will Dr. Skaff get to take a break this weekend and end his streak of 33 consecutive days worked? Will the new technique called the *sigh* Skaff Method have it's first successful test? Will this post ever end? Before the answers appear, I would like to say this - it's been a long week, I'm tired and I just wrote a long post about a fortune cookie. Actually, I'm just dragging this out for no particular reason but to see if this has actually built any drama. If this has worked, please let me know. So, without further ado... Oh yeah, and the weekend post "The State Of..." will continue with a careful look at the current state of the economy. It should be up by Sunday evening (I hope). And now... for the most humorous ending to the post I could come up with. No. No. Yes.

7 comments:

kilax said...

HA HA HA.

You bet me to it. I have been wanting to tell that story on my site for the longest time but couldn't figure out how... you nailed it perfectly. We still laugh about it. My mom particularly liked the story.

We are always getting BS fortunes. They are more like advice. I don't need advice!

Fortuneless Brother said...

The reason your brother ate his future wife's fortune, is because, in fact, it was not her fortune at all. She stole HIS fortune. She grabbed the cookie from him before he opened the cookie to find HIS fortune. After she opened HIS cookie and read HIS fortune, she began to gloat about how wonderful it was and how much better the fortune was than the insignificant fortune that he had just opened (HER fortune). If the fortune was not to be had by its rightful owner, it was not to be had at all.

kilax said...

The sad part of the story, which the "fortune-less brother failed to mention, is that he know refuses to let me pick up my own fortune cookie. He always chooses which one is "mine" and hands it to me to make sure I get the "correct" one.

And if for some reason I get the "incorrect" one (i.e. the better one), then there was an "error" in the handing-out process of the cookies.

kilax said...

Wow. I made a lot of spelling errors in both posts. I suck.

Andrew Skaff said...

kilax - Maybe I should have talked to you about writing that story... it's really more of your story than mine, but it's so freakin' hysterical. I'm just glad that it made "fortuneless brother" (if that is his real name) read one of the posts and make a comment. Maybe you can ask your waiter to bring three fortunes out so you can each select one and send the other back. Wouldn't that solve the cookie selection process?

fortuneless brother - Her fortune or not... why did you decide to EAT it? How did that even enter your mind? It really doesn't matter because hilarity ensued and we're still talking about it years down the road. Your explanation of the event was actually almost as funny as the event itself. Because of this clearly defined problem in society, I will begin work in the lab to identify the true owners of fortune cookies at the dinner table - it will cost 149.95 plus 19.95 shipping and handling and be available right before Christmas. Unfortunately, this year's model will weigh approximately 45 pounds and is the size of a microwave oven, but a 3 ounce model about the size of a golf ball will be available next Christmas for only 19.95. Have your credit card ready and call the toll free number......

Fortunless Brother said...

It's similar to midi-chlorians and "the force" if that helps with your product development and lab work. It's just a gift that I have developed: to sense which cookie/fortune belongs to which person.

-- "Your troubles will cease and fortune smile upon you."

Gina (Mannyed) said...

If I was Kim, and someone ate my fortune - oh, hell, I would be too busy laughing my arse off to retaliate in anyway. He ATE her fortune!? I wasn't even there and its hilarious.

And I really wish fortune cookies would go back to the business of fortunes, i.e a break from the lab is in the near near future. Not stuff like actually, maybe your fortune-less fortune is trying to tell you something. Ask for help in the lab, grasshopper.